Ah, the elusive chemistry between two people. We swear it exists but can do little to verify its existence. Is it a feeling, a “vibe” or does is there an actual biological response at play, one we can’t control but simply…is?

Perhaps a little bit of  both. The science behind attraction includes all of our senses, which help us determine whether someone is right for you.

According to one article, all senses are at play when meeting someone we might fancy, but sight is particularly important (no surprise there):

Men, for example, have 25% more neurons in their visual cortices, meaning they tend to place more emphasis on visual cues than women. That being said, both men and women are attracted to visual indications of health, such as clear skin, bright eyes, and shiny hair.

Is romance good for your health or does it just make us feel amazing?

Before we get into the science behind it, harken back to the last time you experienced a big dose of romance in your life. Hopefully, you’re still living the dream, but if not: gently recall how it made you feel physically.

Often in love, we feel lighter, more energized. Its as if the spring if in our step returns and somehow, we feel younger, brighter and excited about life again.

In love, we also tend to feel more relaxed. Those little niggling experiences of daily life seem to be less important. We feel softened with an increased resilience and openness to others. Our heart feels full.

In one study, researchers uncovered that people in the thralls of romance had lower blood pressure when interacting with that special other. That’s because our body also releases “feel good” hormones like oxytocin and dopamine when in their presence. Love is Popeye’s spinach for the heart!

Apparently having “chemistry” with someone can be quite literal.

Fresh, new love also may shield us against stress. Which makes sense, right? “Nothing can stop me now” chants in your brain when you feel emboldened by love.

Okay, what if you don’t have someone to increase your heart health?

That’s where self-love comes into play. When we treat ourselves the way we want to be treated by others, those physical benefits of love can be duplicated. Imagine a night alone, with candles burning, a hot bath and a glass of wine nearby. Sure, you may be experiencing the evening alone, but your heart feels the sensations of romance and celebrates by sending relaxing messages to your heart and mind.

Love is a state of mind. Love is also a state of body. Dare to let it in when it knocks at your door. Meanwhile, romance can be created whenever you feel in need!

One of the most amazing parts about making someone feel loved? It doesn’t take a lot of effort!

Leaving love notes for that special person in your life is sweet, simple…and deeply effective. It can lift a heart, brighten a spirit and heighten our appreciation of being alive. The cost? A pen, a piece of paper and a little creativity. (And no, no texting!)

Feel like you’re lacking on the creative front? Remember this: its the effort of doing it that counts, not your lack of Shakespearean level poetry.

Dare to be corny. Use silly metaphors (“My love for you is like a never-ending rainbow of joy”) or similes (“When I think of you, it’s like my heart has taken flight and only stops at the edges of the stars.” Or keep it simple (“You are mine. And I am yours. Always.”)

There is no right or wrong when it comes to sharing your expression of love. That’s the beauty of it.

My friend is suffering from a broken heart. She was deceived by a lover she trusted with her innermost feelings and thoughts. She thought they had a future. She found out that he did not. They parted ways but even months later, the heart wound is raw and sore.

Out of consoling words, I told her that love wins in the end. What does that mean, she asked? Her feelings for this man were real. And his feelings were as well. While the two of them had to go separate ways, the love they experienced still lives on. Maybe not in the traditional sense but on a spiritual plane.

When we love someone, we create a birth of sorts. Love is born. And while the “parents” may go their separate ways, the child of love grows. It is not a failure but a win: a win for feelings, for emotional risk, for the cosmos that we live in, made a better place because love was allowed to be in the first place.

Did this help her? Not really. But it will eventually. Because just as love wins, time heals.

“I need more romance in my life.”

“We had a romantic dinner but the restaurant was noisy.”

“He used to be more romantic…back in the early days.”

Romance can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. But what is it at the heart, essentially?

It’s important to think outside of the box before defining it. It’s not about the act of giving flowers or an engagement ring at just the right moment. It’s beyond a mere action.

Romance is a state of mind. It’s a way you live your life and interact with your partner every day. Romance is a an extension of gratitude. When you are truly grateful for your significant other, that deep feeling of thankfulness has a ripple effect in all the ways you interact with him or her.

Romance is almost always attached to relational love but it can just as easily be transferred to other interpersonal relationships that you deeply appreciate. Think of romance as love, radiating. Well then a family member or friend (or even a stranger) can receive that kind of appreciative love.

So be romantic today. In any of your interactions. Look at others through the eyes of love. Because that is love, essentially.