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Jewelry Jokes…Any Good Ones?

December 7, 2011

Okay, spent some time digging around this morning, and unfortunately, I must confess, there aren’t that many funny jewelry jokes out there. Maybe I need to create one myself, because I see a lot of humor in this business. But here goes nothing!

 

WARNING – we cannot be held responsible for any potential unfunniness!

 

Moderately Funny Jewelry Joke #1

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, “I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled
with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. ” I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
“There’s no money in that account.”

“I know”, said the old man, “but can you imagine the weekend I had?”

 

Moderately Funny Jewelry Joke #2

A woman enters a jewelry store and says, “You sold my husband a diamond ring yesterday but it’s the wrong size.”

“No problem madam. We can adjust the finger size easily.”

“Oh, you don’t understand, you sold him a five carat, and I take a ten carat size.”

 

 

Moderately Funny Jewelry Joke #3

“Rachel, darling, how wonderful to see you after all these years! My life, what an incredibly large diamond ring you’ve got. Is it a very famous diamond?”

“Oh yes, Hermione, it’s the famous Bloomenstein diamond, but it’s got a curse with it”.

“Really, what’s the curse?”

“Mr. Bloomenstein, of course!” says Rachel.

Quotes on Rubies and Other Gems

October 27, 2011

I don’t know about you but there’s something I love about quotes. They’re mini-lessons on life, love…and in this case jewelry!

 

Some asked me where the rubies grew,
And nothing I did say;
But with my finger pointed to
The lips of Julia.
~Robert Herrick

 

The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels:  it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant.  ~Salvador Dalí

Among Life’s precious jewels,
Genuine and rare,
The one that we call friendship
Has worth beyond compare.
~Author Unknown

For me the diamond dawns are set
In rings of beauty…
~John Townsend Trowbridge

The questions are diamonds you hold in the light.  Study a lifetime and you see different colors from the same jewel.  The same questions, asked again, bring you just the answers you need just the minute you need them.  ~Richard Bach, Running From Safety

Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.  ~Thomas Carlyle

The story of Harold Ross, the New Yorker and me is a mere footnote to the story of our time, and we might as well face the truth that to researchers of the future, poking about among the ruins of time, we shall all be tiny glitters.  But then, so are diamonds.  ~James Thurber

The rarest things in the world, next to a spirit of discernment, are diamonds and pearls.  ~Jean de la Bruyere, translated from French

It was as though he had cut up the sky, melted down a flower garden, tossed in some jewels and made it into glass.  ~Hugh McKean, referring to Tiffany’s glass

Some men’s memory is like a box where a man should mingle his jewels with his old shoes.  ~George Savile

Gold cannot be pure, and people cannot be perfect.  ~Chinese Proverb

I would rather be adorned by beauty of character than jewels.  Jewels are the gift of fortune, while character comes from within.  ~Titus Maccius Plautus

Not on one strand are all life’s jewels strung.  ~William Morris

Many individuals have, like uncut diamonds, shining qualities beneath a rough exterior.  ~Juvenal

Manners must adorn knowledge and smooth its way in the world, without them it is like a great rough diamond, very well in a closet by way of curiosity, and also for its intrinsic value; but most prized when polished.  ~Lord Chesterfield

Quotes on Jewelry from Yesteryear

August 10, 2011

It’s always fun to hear what famous people of yesteryear (and yesterday) have to say about jewelry. You’ll see that people have felt the same way about adornment for quite some time:

 

I never worry about diets.  The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.  ~Mae West

No gold-digging for me; I take diamonds!  We may be off the gold standard someday.  ~Mae West

There are worlds in an opal.  ~Astrid Alauda

 

 

The earth is like a beautiful bride who needs no manmade jewels to heighten her loveliness.  ~Kahlil Gibran

 

 

Quotes on Adornment

June 15, 2011

Jewelry, among other items such as clothing and accessories, fall under the category of adornment. The definition of adornment? Something that beautifies or adorns; an ornament. Of course, we know fashion runs deep and has greater implications than a simple ornament!

Here are some sagely words on the act of adorning:

The pearl is the queen of gems and the gem of queens.  ~Author Unknown

These gems have life in them. Their colors speak, say what words fail of.  ~George Eliot

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.  ~Mae West

The finest clothing made is a person’s skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.  ~Mark Twain

I base most of my fashion sense on what doesn’t itch.  ~Gilda Radner

If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies…. It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.  ~Albert Einstein

People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile.  ~Lee Mildon

It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes.  ~Henry David Thoreau

When you can’t do something truly useful, you tend to vent the pent up energy in something useless but available, like snappy dressing.  ~Lois McMaster Bujold

Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.  ~Henry David Thoreau

I don’t see how an article of clothing can be indecent.  A person, yes.  ~Robert A. Heinlein

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.  ~Henry David Thoreau, Walden

If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties?  How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?  ~Linda Ellerbee

Just around the corner in every woman’s mind  is a lovely dress, a wonderful suit, or entire costume which will make an enchanting new creature of her.  ~Wilhela Cushman

A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.  ~Françoise Sagan

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he’s well dressed.  There ain’t much credit in that.  ~Charles Dickens