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Funny Stuff

  • Changing Your Earrings for the FIRST Time

    Many of us struggle to remember changing our earrings for the first time. Yet most remember having our ears pierced for the first time, right? Oh yes, at a dismal mall in New Jersey, circa 1980, at the Piercing Pagoda. My mom didn’t know (she believed only a grown woman should have pierced ears. Old school like that). It was a joyous pain, frankly. Like a fashion rite of passage. I hid my aching ears for the next several weeks.

     

  • Jewelry New Year’s Resolutions for 2019

    Diet and exercise steal all the limelight when it comes to New Year’s resolutions…but what about jewelry? Can anyone have a fashion resolution? Of course!

    But if can’t think of any self-improvement mantras for the upcoming year, perhaps we can help you:

    I promise to buy myself little sparkly thing simply because I want it and deserve it and leave me alone!

    I will do my best to wear statement jewelry to events that don’t quite warrant it because who cares, life is short?

    I will wear radically mismatched earrings as a message to the world that I’m wildly unpredictable and distinctively creative.

    I pledge to clean my jewelry more frequently so it shines and sparkles as if it were brand new…or I’ll just buy brand new jewelry.

    I will continue to mix and match metals, showing complete disregard for my mother’s “rules” of fashion.

    I vow to wear more jewelry in general, sparkling more with each and every year.

    If I get engaged, I will partake in the custom design process with my husband to be. (I don’t need to be surprised; I’d rather be happy with my ring, thank you.)

    I will own several pairs of hoop earrings instead of just one because one pair simply isn’t enough, dahling.

    I will stay on top of jewelry trends only to break from them if they don’t suit me.

    I vow to have hooks on necklaces that do not drive me crazy when I put them on.

    I will give up those clip earrings that I bought at an antique store and thought would be fun but man, they just hurt.

    I promise to let the sparkle from my jewelry spill over into my soul.

    Feel free to borrow some of these jewelry resolutions for 2019. Or create your own and leave them in the comment section below.

     

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  • Happy (I mean, Scary) Halloween Quotes & Sayings

    This Spider Brooch is a reproduction of an old design (1800's), made from 14K rose gold. sapphires, diamonds, black enamel.

    This Spider Brooch is a reproduction of an old design (1800’s), made from 14K rose gold. sapphires, diamonds, black enamel.

     

    HALLOWEEN QUOTES:

    I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. ~Author unknown

    A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. ~Erma Bombeck

    Eat, drink and be scary. ~Author unknown

    Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite,
    All are on their rounds tonight;
    In the wan moon’s silver ray,
    Thrives their helter-skelter play.
    ~Joel Benton

    Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October’s days. ~Author unknown

    Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the “spirits” of things. ~Dee Snider

    At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
    Back to their quiet graves below.
    ~Theodosia Garrison

    Never let your kids buy an off-the-shelf Halloween costume. Forbid it, no matter how close you may be to the witching hour. Instead, help them make their own. Encourage them to use their imaginations and their ingenuity. Show them that what can be created is often better than what can be bought. And besides, don’t the darkest, most frightening things live inside us anyway? ~Joe Kita, “What I Know” (The Best Halloween Costume), Wisdom of Our Fathers, 1999

    ‘Tis now the very witching time of night,
    When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
    Contagion to this world.
    ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet [III, 2, Hamlet]

    Where there is no imagination there is no horror. ~Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet, 1887

    Just like a ghost, you’ve been a-hauntin’ my dreams,
    So I’ll propose on Halloween.
    Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you.
    ~R. Hirsch, M. Shapiro, & H. Middlebrooks, Jr., “Spooky,” 1968

    There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ~George Carlin

    There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery. ~Joseph Conrad

  • Dangerous Boutonnières of the Victorian Era

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    While many people throughout time have worn jewelry and other accessories as good luck charms, some of these items of adornment weren’t so “lucky.” As a matter of fact, some were straight up dangerous. Take your average boutonnière or corsage (flower pins used as fashionable adornment on men and women respectively) of the Victorian era.

    According to Mental Floss:

    Arsenical dyes were also a popular addition to artificial flowers and leaves, which meant they were frequently pinned to clothes or fastened on heads. In the 1860s, a report commissioned by the Ladies’ Sanitary Association found that the average headdress contained enough arsenic to poison 20 people.

    The British Medical Journal wrote of the green-clad Victorian woman“She actually carries in her skirts poison enough to slay the whole of the admirers she may meet with in half a dozen ball-rooms.”

    Fashion should always slay them…but not literally!

     

  • Is Jewelry an Accessory?

    Is jewelry an accessory?

    That’s the burning question I plug into Google this early am.

    Well first, let’s define the term. An fashion accessory (according to vat of all knowledge Wikipedia) is an item used to contribute, in a secondary manner, to the wearer’s outfit. They are often used to complete an outfit and chosen to specifically complement the wearer’s look. The term came into use in the 19th century.

    Jewelry contributing in a secondary manner to the wearer’s outfit? We think not. Jewelry can easily steal the show of an outfit…certainly not a mere supporting player.

    Over my coffee, I dig a little deeper and find that accessories can be loosely categorized into two general areas:

    …those that are carried and those that are worn. Traditional carried accessories include purses and handbags, eyewear, hand fans, parasols and umbrellas, wallets, canes, and ceremonial swords. Accessories that are worn may include jackets, boots and shoes, cravats, ties, hats, bonnets, belts and suspenders, gloves, muffs, jewelry, watches, sashes, shawls, scarves, socks, and stockings.

    What? Jewelry after muffs? And what the heck is a cravat anyway?

    Well we’ll have to beg to disagree on this one. Jewelry certainly exceeds the definition of a simple “accessory”. Though I would occasionally like to borrow the term “accessorize” because it sounds so jazzy…and on that note:

     

     

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  • Diamonds are forever…unless a hydraulic press is involved

    There’s one truism when it comes to people: they love to watch things get crushed.

    Whether it’s in the imaginary form…

     

     

    Or in the real world, where a hydraulic press is taking the internet by storm, crushing everything in it’s path…including a diamond (from Brilliant Earth). We’ve all been embedded with the notion that nothing is stronger than diamond. But that was before the diamond met a hydraulic press apparently.

    According to their About Us section on their YouTube channel:

    Wanna see stuff getting crushed by hydraulic press? 
    
    This is the right channel for you. 
    
    New videos and new stuff to crush every week.

     

     

     

  • The Largest Christmas Tree in the World

    This must mean a lot of pine needles to clean up after the holidays. The largest Christmas tree resides in a little town in Italy. (We just love the shooting star on top!)

    Here are some more festive details:

    Over the weekend, the tiny town of Gubbio flipped the switch on their annual installation of a giant Christmas tree spread over the hills that surround the city. The holiday display, which has been in the Guinness Book of World Records since 1991, uses some 1,000 lights with the shooting star tree topper requiring 250 more, to light up the slopes of Mount Ingino overlooking the medieval town. According to The Local, the annual display — aptly referred to as the “World’s Biggest Christmas Tree” — stretches over 10,760 square feet, ensuring that Santa’s reindeer will know where to land come Christmas Eve. [Time]

     

  • Polyamorous Engagement Rings on the Horizon?

    According to the satirical newspaper, The Onion, Zales may have jumped the gun a little when they unveiled (several) engagement rings for those marrying more than one partner. Too funny.

    NEW YORK—Saying the company had skipped a good five or six steps on society’s path to wider acceptance of nontraditional relationships, marketing experts told reporters Wednesday that jewelry retailer Zales had definitely jumped the gun with its new engagement ring commercial featuring a polyamorous triad.

    “Zales is definitely getting a bit ahead of itself with its new ‘Abundant Love’ ad—today’s consumers just aren’t ready to see a jewelry commercial like this,” said Venture Marketing brand consultant Caitlin Boyd regarding the new campaign, which depicts a man simultaneously proposing to his male and female co-primaries while presenting three identical gold engagement bands. “This could maybe fly in 15, 20 years, but TV viewers are going to need to see a number of other alternative relationships in engagement ring ads first: a non-monogamous heterosexual dyad, trans partners, at least a few biracial lesbian couples. As it stands, this one’s certainly putting the cart before the horse.”

    When reached for comment, a Zales representative stated that the rings, which are available in sets of three or more, can also be customized for polyamorous unions involving secondary, tertiary, or pivot partners.

     

  • The Presents Don’t Matter, Santa…but Since You’re in the Neighborhood

    So Jen is our production manager and her mother is a postal carrier here in the Phoenix area.

     

    Seven year-old Jenna lives on her route and left this heartfelt note to Jen’s mom…then followed it up with a detailed gift list to Santa.

     

     

    Exhibit A: The Warm-up Letter

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    Exhibit B: The “And While You’re at It” Letter”:


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    May Santa deliver the goods this year!

100 Years in Jewells Business

Today, Joseph Schubach builds upon his family's experience and continues the tradition with Joseph Schubach Jewelers, offering both intimate jewelry brokering in his Scottsdale, Arizona showroom and full-service online sales to clients from around the world, where he has maintained that personal customer connection in the virtual world.

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Call Joe, Margie or Jen for expert help at (888) 724-8222